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let me try to get my head on straight about everything that happened
i wanted to fill in my journal, but there was so much that happened that i just couldn't find the time to write it all out.
so, let me see what i can do.
first of all, let me reflect my emotional state.
i'm not doing good at all. my heart hurts so bad. i'm so lonely. everything is going wrong. my life feels really dark. i feel completely hopeless. let me explain why. i'll probably post these on different entries, just for consistency.
not a ton happened this day. i woke up, grabbed some cd cases, fixed my 2ds, and just prepared for the trip. when i woke up, i went over to the ups store i work at and made prints of mine, bea's, and alice's sonas to sell at the show. i didn't think we'd sell a lot, but i still made enough for everyone as requested. that night i got my stuff together, and headed out to the airport. my dad had me install life 360 just in case something happened, which i agreed would be a good idea.
i got to the airport, and headed out to the gate i was supposed to be at. i ordered some coffee and some food, and hung out for a while. when i got on the plane, the guy next to me let me have the window seat. i think he only spoke arabic. he kept offering me mixed nuts, which i'm really allergic to. i ended up pulling out an epi pen and tried to show him it in a very friendly manner. he realized what it was and he stopped offering me. he was not offended. it was a funny language barrier. he put on joker 2 and immediately golden freddy posed in the plane and kept farting while he slept. he was a cool guy. i put on my headphones and listened to some albums that i had downloaded from bandcamp. i particularly liked get pupped by dima foxpaws on the flight. i also listened to the midi bunny lp a lot. both are great albums.
my flight was from midnight to 6am, so i fell asleep on the flight for a couple hours. when i got to the airport, it turned out bea hadn't left yet. i mostly just like, hung around for a while and waited for her. i think i waited for an hour? maybe an hour and a half? but it was like, not a problem at all. i was kinda tired and hungry but it was all good. when i met her irl, she was a lot shorter than i thought she was! but that's okay, it made her really cute. she was really small. she was really quiet at first, and we ended up finding the train station. we started taking the train to her dorm, and she rested her head on my shoulder. at first i wasn't sure if she was comfortable with me irl, but that kind of cemented that she liked me. i saw the world trade center from a distance. it was really cool! we stopped at a mcdonald's and got breakfast, but i couldn't eat it. they had bagel breakfast sandwiches, which they don't have in utah. we walked to her dorm, sat down, and well. a lot of things happened! let's go. i'll spare the details. but we ended up sleeping for a while and just hung out for a while together. there were a couple times where i woke up and felt a distress and void that i don't feel very often. it had been since 2023 that i felt it. i just kept forcing myself back to sleep. i really wanted to compose myself this trip. i had a ton of fun hanging out with her one on one, though. i appreciated it a lot because i didn't get a lot of time with her afterwards.
i wanted to fill in my journal, but there was so much that happened that i just couldn't find the time to write it all out.
so, let me see what i can do.
first of all, let me reflect my emotional state.
i'm not doing good at all. my heart hurts so bad. i'm so lonely. everything is going wrong. my life feels really dark. i feel completely hopeless. let me explain why. i'll probably post these on different entries, just for consistency.
not a ton happened this day. i woke up, grabbed some cd cases, fixed my 2ds, and just prepared for the trip. when i woke up, i went over to the ups store i work at and made prints of mine, bea's, and alice's sonas to sell at the show. i didn't think we'd sell a lot, but i still made enough for everyone as requested. that night i got my stuff together, and headed out to the airport. my dad had me install life 360 just in case something happened, which i agreed would be a good idea.
i got to the airport, and headed out to the gate i was supposed to be at. i ordered some coffee and some food, and hung out for a while. when i got on the plane, the guy next to me let me have the window seat. i think he only spoke arabic. he kept offering me mixed nuts, which i'm really allergic to. i ended up pulling out an epi pen and tried to show him it in a very friendly manner. he realized what it was and he stopped offering me. he was not offended. it was a funny language barrier. he put on joker 2 and immediately golden freddy posed in the plane and kept farting while he slept. he was a cool guy. i put on my headphones and listened to some albums that i had downloaded from bandcamp. i particularly liked get pupped by dima foxpaws on the flight. i also listened to the midi bunny lp a lot. both are great albums.
my flight was from midnight to 6am, so i fell asleep on the flight for a couple hours. when i got to the airport, it turned out bea hadn't left yet. i mostly just like, hung around for a while and waited for her. i think i waited for an hour? maybe an hour and a half? but it was like, not a problem at all. i was kinda tired and hungry but it was all good. when i met her irl, she was a lot shorter than i thought she was! but that's okay, it made her really cute. she was really small. she was really quiet at first, and we ended up finding the train station. we started taking the train to her dorm, and she rested her head on my shoulder. at first i wasn't sure if she was comfortable with me irl, but that kind of cemented that she liked me. i saw the world trade center from a distance. it was really cool! we stopped at a mcdonald's and got breakfast, but i couldn't eat it. they had bagel breakfast sandwiches, which they don't have in utah. we walked to her dorm, sat down, and well. a lot of things happened! let's go. i'll spare the details. but we ended up sleeping for a while and just hung out for a while together. there were a couple times where i woke up and felt a distress and void that i don't feel very often. it had been since 2023 that i felt it. i just kept forcing myself back to sleep. i really wanted to compose myself this trip. i had a ton of fun hanging out with her one on one, though. i appreciated it a lot because i didn't get a lot of time with her afterwards.
