old friends 12/30/2024
Dec. 30th, 2024 10:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hooeygooeythis isn't much of a daily update, but rather just something to write down. i don't want to bug anyone with this.
i'm missing a lot of my old friends tonight. there's harper, who played in carry on october, and she hasn't talked to me in months. i don't know why. i'm really sad about it.
then there's kaden. kaden's been my best friend since we were 9. we still talk sometimes, but not as much as we used to. truthfully theres uneasiness from me there. i hear they're weary about me for talking to cecily and midi bunny which breaks my heart. they said at one point that it's heartbreaking to them that i'm prioritizing "problematic" individuals over our friendship. i don't think this is true. we just have never really been the type to text. it's not that they don't want to be friends with me or anything, but they're a lot more distant than they used to be. i was really hurt when they put our band on hiatus after i released the enter star wolf ep due to "distance" when we had been long distance for years, and even did an entire album long distance. i suppose i haven't been the greatest friend in some aspects, but i dunno. i asked them before bed the other day if they wanted to be on my lp and they said no because they were too busy with their own music.
i try not to lead on how much this upsets me. i've told cecily a little bit about how it makes me feel, but i try not to bug her too much about it.
me and kaden have done everything together except enter star wolf and lantern lens. when we first started seriously doing music when we were like 15, i wanted us to be in a band together and combine our strengths, but kaden wanted to do cookie meat and take the lead on everything. at that point we already felt somewhat disconnected, but i still made music with them. even though i was a guitar player, i learned how to play drums for cookie meat and recorded an entire album for them. we had done some smaller stuff prior to it, such as the original dog for president thing, and stop motion mitosis, but they didn't really seem interested in doing anything outside of cookie meat for a while. a year or so after our first album, we made the dog for president album. i had a lot of fun making it, even though it was during covid stuff. i was really proud of that record. it was the idea band for me. my brother on drums, and me and kaden writing songs together. i guess that's what i always wanted. after dog for president, i started the lovely robot. kaden played bass and i wrote my songs. it was like, the counterpart to cookie meat. i guess this is where the disconnect started happening. i invited alaska to the band, and kaden did say that it felt like it was becoming the serena alaska show. in retrospect, i shouldn't have done that. after we finished rat girl forever, we started to make blackbody, the final cookie meat album. i was really depressed and high, so it took me almost a year to do all the drums. i'm stupid for it. it's the thing i'm most ashamed of in my music.
a little before we finished blackbody, i think anyways, i joined summer 2000. it was the first live band i had done with kaden. we were great, but it felt really empty without them. by this time they were living in michigan with their partner lese. i had temporarily moved to oregon before they moved to the midwest, but not for nearly as long as they've been gone. they've been gone for over two years now. from like, 2017 to 2022, so like 5 damn years, we hung out twice a week. outside of school, outside of work, etc. every tuesday and thursday. we did music almost every time. after they moved, i just stayed indoors and did nothing but smoke as much weed as humanly possible and block out anything around me. i was already doing this for a year and a half before they moved, but i just kept smoking more and more and i ended up forgetting 3 years of my life. i smoked so much that i don't even remember most things now. i have a lot of memory problems.
i really miss them. i really miss making music with them. after they put cookie meat on indefinite hiatus, started a new project, and i started mine, we just stopped doing music. we were working on a split, but they recycled their songs into their new project and i guess it's not happening.
i miss them a lot
i don't want to finish my thoughts.
i guess since this is a journal i should update stuff
christmas stuff went well. work's been going well. i love my family, i love my girlfriend.
i love my god and my country or whatever.
whatever, i don't know why i feel so down about things. whatever.
i'm missing a lot of my old friends tonight. there's harper, who played in carry on october, and she hasn't talked to me in months. i don't know why. i'm really sad about it.
then there's kaden. kaden's been my best friend since we were 9. we still talk sometimes, but not as much as we used to. truthfully theres uneasiness from me there. i hear they're weary about me for talking to cecily and midi bunny which breaks my heart. they said at one point that it's heartbreaking to them that i'm prioritizing "problematic" individuals over our friendship. i don't think this is true. we just have never really been the type to text. it's not that they don't want to be friends with me or anything, but they're a lot more distant than they used to be. i was really hurt when they put our band on hiatus after i released the enter star wolf ep due to "distance" when we had been long distance for years, and even did an entire album long distance. i suppose i haven't been the greatest friend in some aspects, but i dunno. i asked them before bed the other day if they wanted to be on my lp and they said no because they were too busy with their own music.
i try not to lead on how much this upsets me. i've told cecily a little bit about how it makes me feel, but i try not to bug her too much about it.
me and kaden have done everything together except enter star wolf and lantern lens. when we first started seriously doing music when we were like 15, i wanted us to be in a band together and combine our strengths, but kaden wanted to do cookie meat and take the lead on everything. at that point we already felt somewhat disconnected, but i still made music with them. even though i was a guitar player, i learned how to play drums for cookie meat and recorded an entire album for them. we had done some smaller stuff prior to it, such as the original dog for president thing, and stop motion mitosis, but they didn't really seem interested in doing anything outside of cookie meat for a while. a year or so after our first album, we made the dog for president album. i had a lot of fun making it, even though it was during covid stuff. i was really proud of that record. it was the idea band for me. my brother on drums, and me and kaden writing songs together. i guess that's what i always wanted. after dog for president, i started the lovely robot. kaden played bass and i wrote my songs. it was like, the counterpart to cookie meat. i guess this is where the disconnect started happening. i invited alaska to the band, and kaden did say that it felt like it was becoming the serena alaska show. in retrospect, i shouldn't have done that. after we finished rat girl forever, we started to make blackbody, the final cookie meat album. i was really depressed and high, so it took me almost a year to do all the drums. i'm stupid for it. it's the thing i'm most ashamed of in my music.
a little before we finished blackbody, i think anyways, i joined summer 2000. it was the first live band i had done with kaden. we were great, but it felt really empty without them. by this time they were living in michigan with their partner lese. i had temporarily moved to oregon before they moved to the midwest, but not for nearly as long as they've been gone. they've been gone for over two years now. from like, 2017 to 2022, so like 5 damn years, we hung out twice a week. outside of school, outside of work, etc. every tuesday and thursday. we did music almost every time. after they moved, i just stayed indoors and did nothing but smoke as much weed as humanly possible and block out anything around me. i was already doing this for a year and a half before they moved, but i just kept smoking more and more and i ended up forgetting 3 years of my life. i smoked so much that i don't even remember most things now. i have a lot of memory problems.
i really miss them. i really miss making music with them. after they put cookie meat on indefinite hiatus, started a new project, and i started mine, we just stopped doing music. we were working on a split, but they recycled their songs into their new project and i guess it's not happening.
i miss them a lot
i don't want to finish my thoughts.
i guess since this is a journal i should update stuff
christmas stuff went well. work's been going well. i love my family, i love my girlfriend.
i love my god and my country or whatever.
whatever, i don't know why i feel so down about things. whatever.
