working on music again ig 12/19/2024
Dec. 20th, 2024 01:53 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hooeygooeytoday i didn't really do much. i slept a lot and worked on music. i got the electric guitars done for cecily, now i just need to do acoustic. i hope i can get them done, but with how fidgety my interface is, it's becoming an obstacle. i could use the big 8 track one, but i can't record it in my car because it needs to be plugged into the wall. what to do, what to do.
after i got done with the electric, fiddled around with my album some more. i think it's coming along pretty good ironically. it's mainly just a bunch of enter star wolf b sides or whatever, but some of them are good songs. i'm just doing this as an exercise in writing, because i want the enter star wolf lp to be like, the one album i've always been trying to make. i know i can do it.
i bought some alcohol and candy. i have a problem with buying candy and not actual food. i need to fix that. i consume way too much of it.
on the emotional side of things, i've been really unstable lately. i've been feeling like nobody really likes me. it's stupid because i know they do, but i get in my own head about it. i worry which friends of mine only like me because i'm hot. i feel like cecily is getting less interested with me. i got mad at bee today. i've had a lot of dms over my posts. speaking of which, i'm never doing a thanksgiving post again, or doing special thanks sections in my bandcamp albums because apparently NOBODY can handle that. i got more dms being upset over my thank you post than anything else and it's lame as heck. ok, i'm not thankful for any of you anymore. you lost your privileges.
i've been talking to bea more lately. she's cecily's long time girlfriend. she's really really cool. i get a little fluttery talking to her, but i don't know if i want that to go anywhere. she's really cool but if it ever did go anywhere i don't think i'd get as much fulfillment as i need since she has so many partners already. it probably wouldn't matter too much, i'm just really sad never being like, number one for someone. cecily tells me i'm not her main priority of a partner and that's fine. i kind of need that right now. but like, i guess i wish i was just equal. it makes me pretty insecure and i think part of it makes me always feel like i'm like, not cared about as much, i guess? i know that's not true, though. i was just with meredith for three years and they were unhealthily obsessive and toxic and possessive over me. mono relationships are kinda bad compared to poly ones i think.
i think about those songs charly wrote about me a lot. there are never positive songs about me written. lame.
after i got done with the electric, fiddled around with my album some more. i think it's coming along pretty good ironically. it's mainly just a bunch of enter star wolf b sides or whatever, but some of them are good songs. i'm just doing this as an exercise in writing, because i want the enter star wolf lp to be like, the one album i've always been trying to make. i know i can do it.
i bought some alcohol and candy. i have a problem with buying candy and not actual food. i need to fix that. i consume way too much of it.
on the emotional side of things, i've been really unstable lately. i've been feeling like nobody really likes me. it's stupid because i know they do, but i get in my own head about it. i worry which friends of mine only like me because i'm hot. i feel like cecily is getting less interested with me. i got mad at bee today. i've had a lot of dms over my posts. speaking of which, i'm never doing a thanksgiving post again, or doing special thanks sections in my bandcamp albums because apparently NOBODY can handle that. i got more dms being upset over my thank you post than anything else and it's lame as heck. ok, i'm not thankful for any of you anymore. you lost your privileges.
i've been talking to bea more lately. she's cecily's long time girlfriend. she's really really cool. i get a little fluttery talking to her, but i don't know if i want that to go anywhere. she's really cool but if it ever did go anywhere i don't think i'd get as much fulfillment as i need since she has so many partners already. it probably wouldn't matter too much, i'm just really sad never being like, number one for someone. cecily tells me i'm not her main priority of a partner and that's fine. i kind of need that right now. but like, i guess i wish i was just equal. it makes me pretty insecure and i think part of it makes me always feel like i'm like, not cared about as much, i guess? i know that's not true, though. i was just with meredith for three years and they were unhealthily obsessive and toxic and possessive over me. mono relationships are kinda bad compared to poly ones i think.
i think about those songs charly wrote about me a lot. there are never positive songs about me written. lame.
